Strangers

So I am not okay with what at did seriously he is not right for me and its going to stop as of now we can be friends but nothing else I feel dirty I'm changing my ways and I am going to start fresh cause this is not what I want for myself.

I have come to the conclusion

So I have been partying it up for quite some time now and it is getting old and some of the choices that I have made are not that good so as off right now not going to touch that stuff again and I am quitting smoking and I am starting fresh :) this is the new me and no one can stop me.

Inside

"The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them - words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revalations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller, but for want of an understanding ear." -"The Body," Stephen King

Getting it together

I gotta get over this I can do just as well as he is and dont have to date a guy just to be wealthy or say i am dating a Dr. I can do it on my own and I will so I just need to get on the ball and make it happen.

Am I that strange?

Why is it that I like being alone with my thoughts? Most people want to talk to someone and get them out wait maybe its because I don't want to be judged I am a very strange person most people get under my skin and I don't really like being touched by most does that make me a weirdo? And I don't really know what I want to do with my life I want to go to medical school but then I want to stay here I am so confused with this whole thing I always change my mind and I know that I can do anything I put my mind to but I just cant decided at the moment I really need to pray about this.

I want it so badly

You know to be in love I want it so much that it hurts just thinking about it, I cant wait till it just knocks me over the head and I am "head over heels" for someone and I cant wait to hear his voice on the phone and anticipate going to go see him and just know that he feels the same about me too someone to be able to just talk about nothing or sit and say nothing at all I want to be able to be goofy and serious be able to go to taco bell in our pj's and have a great date and the get all dressed up and go to some place nice I want that.............When will I get that?

Jealousy&Confusion

So I am quite jealous of most of my friends they are finding love or they are in love and I am still the single friend. I have always been the single friend and I really cant take it any more I get over come with all this emotion and I feel like I have lost control and I just want to sleep and not think about it where is my McDreamy? When will we find each other........ I really need to get a grip tho I use to be this strong confident girl and now I cant even be happy for a friend what's wrong with me cause really she met this guy in a strip club and that is never a good place to meet a guy I guess this is just a point in my life when I need to just get myself together and stay strong I really need to get back into church I am really all over the place and I want to be able to be that strong person that people admire and aspire to be like I need to regroup and focus on getting right with God and let him lead me in the right direction. Until then.

Nice

Okay so I met a guy last night and he is really fun I'm not saying that this is it and I am not going to be looking but I think that we could have a lot of fun just hanging out I mean I we only just met until then.

I am ready for it

I want to be in love so badly, not have a care in the world when I am with him act crazy and just be. But when is it my turn to fall in love so hard that I am so excited to just chat with him online at work or see each other at lunch, anticipate the drive home just to see him when I walk threw the door, will my time ever get here? I mean I am happy right now but I want to be able to share my happiness with someone else I know that he is out there looking for me and I am looking for him but when will our two world collide

Time for a change

Why is it that every guy that wants to "be with me" is with someone else and just want sex come on I want a relationship I want someone to just call and talk and hang out with but no I get guys that are married that want to be with me um hello I don't want to be the other woman I don't like being lonely and not have anyone to talk to cause he is married its just not working for me and I am done... So this is where I put my foot down on my life I am going to make that change right now in my life I WANT TO BE HAPPY :)

All about me........so I think

So I need some me time and just collect my thoughts so until then............

Goals

So I am giving myself 30 days to lose about 10 to 15 pounds I can not be the fat friend :( I feel really fat when I am next to her I don't care about guys talking to me or checking me out I just want to be super skinny and that's what I am going to do starting to day and I will give up dates on how I am doing so here we go....Until then.