When two or more........

Okay yesterday I realized that I have not been well I'm not going to say a good Christian but not as strong in my faith as I think I should be and hanging out with Aimee made me realize that I need to get my act together because yesterday I made the comment that "I don't go to church" but I was saying it in a way like I'm a Christian but I just don't go to church and I know that it was taken the wrong way and I want to be that person that sets an example and people what to be like and for the past few years I have not done that at all and I am going to make a change I am going to have to find some Christian friends that I can hang out with and not feel pressured to do things that I normally wouldn't do.

Happy New Year!

So it is the new year and I am making big changes I am going to start living for myself! I am super excited and I feel that I am going to learn a lot this year and I am open and will! Find new friends and get rid of old one that don't bring me joy! Its all about me this year so get ready everyone so until then.

Last Night

Well last night made me realize that I have so much to live for and I don't deserve have of the things I put myself threw and as of today I am not putting myself into those situations again cause I am always looking for something that I know that I am not going to get so I am going to start living for myself and not for anyone else cause that got me no where fast so until then.

Shit

Okay so I am sick and tired of one of my friends at the current moment she always wants to spend time with me okay don't get me wrong she is fun and nice and all but come on I can only take so much we see each other every Wednesday and that's a lot for me I gonna have to tell her every other week I gotta take a break from her and I just pray that when she gets married that I only have to see her fewer really what it boils down to is that my friends that are married start getting weird I mean like "I have to see if he is okay with it" well 1st of all your the one doing it not him so it doesn't fucking matter what the hell you do come on be your ownself and grow up gheees some girls lose themselves and then wonder what happen down the road.

Thursday 12/21/06

I am so excited that the new year is right around the corner and yea I know that most people say "oh its going to be different" but for me it will be I'm making it my business to! I have been heaving a pretty good week nothing to exciting or tragic so until then.

Thursday

I want to crawl back into bed and do nothing not talk to anyone just lay there watch TV I get to sick of people asking me questions and I am talking about dumb questions really just keep it to yourself I think that it is so strange that I am such a people person but I don't like being around people most of the time wow I must be a nut case hahahaha any who just needed to blow some steam until then.

It's not right but it's okay I'm gonna make it anyway.

I'm feeling like such a moron I need to get over this guy I just want the attention and it is not worth it I better than this I use to be so strong and now I am a softy and I hate it what has come over me gees I need to regroup and get my act together gaw I hate feeling like this.

Getting over.............

So why am I always the girl going after the guy that I know that I cant have but when I am with him I am thinking to myself "he is really not my type" but I think that I just love the attention that's all and I need to get out of that habit and suck it up cause I know that deep down if he were to say "lets date" I would push him so far away cause I am afraid of relationships. If I am going to be disappointed I rather bring it upon myself than someone else throw it in my face I need to get over this fear but I know that he and I are just meant to be friends and that it so until then.